i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
