I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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