if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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