Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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