Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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