The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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