so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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