ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
