i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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