I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
