i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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