I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
