If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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