yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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