Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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