just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Randomize
