Don't make out with my wife yet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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