he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
