I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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