Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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