last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
