Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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