dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
