Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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