tell your sister to shave her snatch
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
