oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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