Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize