remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
