He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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