Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
