Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
