Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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