And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
