apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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