guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
