thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
