Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
look no pants
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
be right there i have to get my cape
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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