I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
