what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
