I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is Oprah even human
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
