Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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