On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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