please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
