How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
