I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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