Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
