Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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