ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
