I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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