I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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