Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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