My hand turned me down
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize