Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Randomize
