I am spending my child support on dildos
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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