i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
