The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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