Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
