wanna go halves on a baby?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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