took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
