Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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