If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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