Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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