he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
