i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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