Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
