i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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