dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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