So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
