Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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