Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
