You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
