There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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