well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
