do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
