Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
