The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
