Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
