My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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