If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
