He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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