So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
