didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
