that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
